Receiving Love.

Book Review.

Hendrix, Harville.  Hunt, Lakelly, Helen.  Receiving Love.  Transform your relationship by letting yourself be loved.  Atria Books.  2004.

H.H.- Ph.D., pastoral counselor and co-creator of Imago Relationship Therapy.

H.H.- Ph.D., psychologist who helped develop I. R. T.  Was inducted into Women’s Hall of Fame.

Comment.  Henry.

I get the impression that this is a ‘handbook’ for Imago Relationship Therapy.  Both authors are involved with counselling couples whom deal with relationship problems.  They believe receiving love is the fundamental challenge that faces couples.  The self-help ingredient of this resource is strong.

“It turns out that loving your partner is the best way to facilitate your personal and spiritual growth.” (5)  Receiving love is the challenge and the concepts of “separate and connected knowing” (9) are relevant to such receiving.

Relationships between two people are represented by the “I-thou” (33) phrase where the hyphen represents a “between” (33) that represents the emotional ties that bind people together.  They are brought into the relationship and exert a great influence.  Here is the area where work needs to be done to address problems.  “Partners tend to be most unconscious in those situations in which they need to be most enlightened, cautious and aware.” (53)  Cycles of “unconscious wounding and defending” (60) become established.  Negative emotions projected on a partner result in “symbiosis in relationship”. (65) 

“Self- rejection is the most universal and least recognized problem of our lives.  It is the source of all our difficulties in giving and receiving love.” (72)   Self-rejection comes in many different forms.

The “science of relationship” (149) is helpful in addressing problems in receiving love.  Relationships have effects on the brain that can be measured.  Negative patterns can be restructured.  To demonstrate love parents have to be “attuned”. (140)  Receiving love has to be learned and often involves the need of healing.  It is a “voyage of discovery.” (162)  “The Imago Dialogue” (162) involving “mirroring, validating, and empathizing” (163) is very helpful in making this voyage. 

The last part of the book is a series of eleven exercises that relate to the challenge of “Receiving Love.”

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