The Peace Maker

Sande, Ken. The Peace Maker. A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict. Baker Books, Grand Rapids. 2004.

This book is the result of many years of actual involvement in conflict resolutions by a well qualified professional. The examples quoted and discussed give the book practical value. Two areas where I felt more could or should have been said are the situation where a conflict is accepted as unsolvable and the option of letting it go has to be exercised and the option of church discipline (removal from membership) is exercised. A helpful resource for serious peacemakers.

Conflict is viewed as a hazard by some, as an obstacle to be overcome, or an opportunity to solve problems. “Escape responses, attack responses, and peacemaking responses’ (22-23) are ways of responding to conflict. Other forms of response are denial, negotiation, assault, etc. The Scriptural response to conflict is to use it as an opportunity to glorify God. 1Cor. 10:31-11:1 Basic in this response is an intention to trust, obey, imitate and acknowledge the Lord. Serving is an important part of conflict resolution. The idea of stewarding rather than managing conflict is introduced.

Living at peace is being at peace with God, with others, and with yourself. Satan uses conflict to destroy peace. It is for this reason that peacemaking is stressed so strongly by Paul. Believers should not be settling their conflicts in court.

Having a total trust in a sovereign loving God brings an important dimension to how we deal with conflict. It is God’s will that now becomes part of the process.

Conflicts usually involve either material and/or personal issues. The issues must be sorted out in terms of their importance. The right attitude is crucial. Avoid conflict if that is an option. Be careful about the abuse of rights.

There are four simple steps that characterize conflict and its origins, “I desire, I demand, I judge, I punish”. (102-108). It is a heart issue. It is a form of self-worship, i.e. self-worship. Change the focus to God worship.

Confession is key is settling conflict. Repentance and sorrow are not the same. There are seven steps or stages that are part of confession, e.g. admit specifically, accept the consequences, etc. Change must be a part of confession.

The Scriptural approach to settling a conflict between two people is presented. There are legitimate reasons that warrant going to another person and initiating a confrontational conversation, e.g. dishonoring God, abuse, and violating civic authority.

Good communication skills are a great asset in resolving conflict. Speaking the truth in love is not only a good skill; it is a command of Scripture. Whenever possible speak face to face. Be well prepared when speaking to people that need to be confronted. Avoid arguing. Don’t preach.

The decision to involve others, reconcilers, in a conflict must be mutual to all parties. Reconcilers should be known to all concerned. If reconcilers are refused and the parties are Christians, the church should become involved. Removing someone from membership is suggested as an option of discipline.

As Christians we must forgive because we have been forgiven so much. This cannot be done in our own power. Forgiving is costly. Genuine repentance is basic to forgiveness. Forgiveness does not remove consequences. “Forgiveness is both an event and a process.” (219). The process is reconciliation. The reestablishing of a relationship takes time. There will be thoughts, words, and actions.

When there is a genuine commitment to “look after the interests of others”. Phil. 2:4. Resolutions will happen. At all times biblical principles should be followed.

The biblical exhortation to overcome evil with good, Rom. 12:14-21 is discussed. As counter-cultural as this concept is it does work and the results are impressive conflict resolutions.

Peacemaking is summarized by the “Peacemaker’s Pledge” (259) based on the principles to “glorify God, get the log out your own eye, gently restore, and be reconciled”. (259-260).