Refrigerator Rights.

Book Review

Miller, Will. Sparks, Glenn. Refrigerator Rights. Our crucial need for close connection. Willow Creek Resources. 2008
W.M.- psychotherapist.
G.S.- professor of communication, Purdue.

Comment. Henry
The focus of this resource is high level relationships which are identified by the phrase “refrigerator rights”. There are three serious threats to these fundamental rights; mobility, independence, and media. Suggestions are made how these threats can be addressed. The thesis is well presented but there is a crucial part of the ‘picture’ missing in my opinion. There is no mention of an over arching God relationship that has such an important impact on all “refrigerator rights”. This resource is fine as far as it goes.

Refrigerator rights (r.r.) are by definition reserved for family members and/or close friends. These very important rights are seriously threatened in our culture.

Since r.r. are limited they come with unrealistic expectations which tend to be destructive of these rights. “Isolation from other people is undoubtedly related to- worry and anxiety.” (48) Incivility is a part of our culture that militates against the forming of relationships.

Mobility is a threat to r.r. It comes with an emotional price. The advantages of moving are overrated. If there is a choice between success (necessitated by a move) and relationships, success always wins hands down. “In a society that is simultaneously media saturated and interpersonally disconnected, the most pertinent concern is the role media is playing in our loss of r.r.” (140)

People cope with aloneness, a major problem in our culture, in three ways; “Maintain control, find gratification and even happiness in material accumulation and feel better by staying busy”. (147) This is a result of losing r.r. “Emotional closeness, interdependence, and mutual care” (179) are our sources for psychological and physical energy. These sources must be balanced with the recognition and acceptance of our individual identity and personal independence. Our culture of ‘self-focus’ has produced a tremendous need and popularity of a “self-help fantasy”. (233)

What are our options to address our ‘problem’? We can rebuild a “refrigerator family” (238) To do this we must somehow address the threats to that assignment, i.e. .mobility, independence and media. Our ‘plan’ will need to involve commitment, belonging, conflict management and a goal of growth and change.